Journal

I'm Proud to be a 6 or 7

Sarah Tollemache — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 22:49:49 +0000

This last weekend I was hanging with a 10 and we were discussing marriage and she said that she would only marry someone who was wealthy. Why be with someone who would bring you down financially? That's something a 10 would totally say. 10's have a freedom to say statements like that. She tried to lump me in her ethics. 10's reality is often warped compared to the rest of us. She forgot she was talking to a 33 year old 6 sometimes 7. I think most girls fall in the 6 or 7 category. There is room to be an 8, but these are special occasions like weddings. I can probably get to an 8 if I can ovulate while my haircut is peaking and I am standing in the right light. A 9 is when a 10 is taking it easy or when an 8 wears false eye lashes. 5's tend to be elderly women or women on their way running errands in their town. When your're a 2 you're basically a single celled organism that moves toward light or you're fighting a crystal meth addiction. A 2 can also be a good looking women who says nothing but nasty statements, like Anne Coultier. The scale for guys is graded much differently. One example, is if you're a 2 and make lots of money you can easily move to a 10. That doesn't seem to work for women. I would have to talk to my male counterparts to figure out this scale. In my opinion, I feel like it's best to be a 6 or 7 with the possibilities of being an 8. It's easier to maneuver through society as your'e easier to relate to and your more grounded. Plus the fall to a 4 or a 5 is not so bad when we get older where a 10 is in a world that she is not used to. I'm proud to be a 6 or a 7.

I'm Turning Into a Dude

Sarah Tollemache — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 18:48:15 +0000

I have 3 coarse hairs that grow on my chin and they don't come in at the same time so I have to be on top of them almost on a daily basis. I think about them constantly. It's become one of my many jobs. I'm constantly worried people can see my chin hairs. It's like playing chin hair Whack A Mole, as soon as I tweeze one another one pops up. It's like they are a team. It's weird because my body is trying to be a man, but my mind is like don't forget it's your turn to buy milk. If I'm worried about people finding my chin hairs then I can't imagine what it is like to be a transgender. If I was going around as a women, but really I was a man, my mind would explode with obsessive thoughts. I would be worried that people could see my penis tucked in between my legs. How do you expect me to do day to day activities when I have to conceal my dick, beard and huge hands. I couldn't do it.

Swastika Wall Decal

Sarah Tollemache — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 02:11:13 +0000

1. Swastika Wall Decals: For the racist who doesn't want to lose his/her deposit. How annoying is it to paint over your racial slurs when you are moving out, so now you don't have to. Now you can take down your Swastikas without ruining the paint work.

Shitty Landlord

Sarah Tollemache — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:17:09 +0000

I have a shitty landlord. Do you guys have a shitty landlord or do you just live in amazing apartment complexes where the management slip letters under the door instead of having some guy on your couch at ten in the morning telling you that you over paid rent by five dollars? I woke up to my landlord in his tank top. He's always in his tank top. He was yelling, "Sarah, you over paid rent." That's the kind of treatment I get. I have to pay my rent in cash every month which I feel is wrong. It would be even more degrading if he made me stick my rent money into his underwear like a stripper. He always seems to be washing his mercedes whenever I have to pay rent. I don't know if it is just landlords or guys from eastern europe that have an answer for everything so they don't have to fix it. I had my shower head fall off a few weeks ago while I was adjusting it, so now I have water spewing out of a hole. I'd rather have water spew out of a hole than to call my landlord to automatically accuse me of horseplaying. He'll say something like, "Sarah, you can't be hanging off of a shower head. It does not hold a 33 year old woman's body." Nobody hangs from shower head, not even for fun. This is something that he has made up so there is no accountability for fixing my showerhead. Now I have mold in my bathroom so now he is going to tell me that I should shower with the door open to let the steam out and when I argue with him that I'm not showering with the door open because I have roommates he'll probably tell me that his wife showers with the door open all the time. She just wears her bathing suit and when she needs to clean her private parts she pulls the bathing suit away from her body to let the water in. I've thought about calling my landlord and complaining that when I take a dump on the carpet it won't flush.

Like My Show: Last Night with Sarah Tollemache

Sarah Tollemache — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 19:05:09 +0000

KTB Chili

Sarah Tollemache — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 15:20:04 +0000

I'm excited to announce that Last Night With Sarah Tollemache has a sponsor. It's a German company that makes chili.

Last Night w/Sarah Tollemache 1/25/

Sarah Tollemache — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:56:42 +0000

Phone Time

Summer & Eve

Pat Dixon Performing

Jared Logan

Photos from my show last night.

Buying Pot

Sarah Tollemache — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:22:39 +0000

I'm so thankful most business transactions are not done the same way as buying pot. I find buying pot to be one of the most excruciation activities in life that is such a waste of time. It's never here's my money thanks for the pot. I'll see you next time. I have to go to some crappy apartment complex atleast while living in Texas, but I feel like most pot dealers living situations are almost the same. They always live in a shitty apartment with nothing fixed or some what decorated, maybe a Scarface poster or a blacklight poster of a canabis that is barely hanging onto the wall. The couch is covered in burn marks or resin stains. The one thing that pot dealers put money into is their sweet ass entertainment system. After you buy the pot it feels like you have to stick around and seem interested in their live action figurine collection. "Oh, wow! You've never taken Jigsaw out of the box." Why does it always seem that their mother or grandmother is sick in the next room. My roommate has this story where he ended up wearing this long oversize tshirt over his work clothes so he wouldn't reek of pot when he went to work while smoking pot next to the guy's sick sleeping grandmother. "I feel weird smoking in front of your grandmother." he said to his coworker to which his coworker replied, "It's cool. She's so out of it she doesn't even know what's going on." There is also always a kid just wondering around and everyone is cool with doing bong rips in front of it because they rationalize to themselves that kids don't form memories at the age of six. They do. The pot dealer also has invested his money wisely into an exotic animal like an iguana and wants to show you what tricks it can do. Iguanas don't do tricks, so you just watch the pot dealer yet at it's iguana, "Jump!" while the iguana is looking back stoicly. You exclaim, "it's alright I can see the trick some other time." to which the pot dealer get's more annoyed with iguana and starts rattling it's cage while yelling "Spike, jump!" All of this has added up to almost an hour and then you are asked if you want to smoke a bit and watch crazy moments caught on tape, so that takes another hour. Buying pot is the most unproductive activity one can do. If I get a car ride from somebody I'll always joke if it's cool if that person can drive me to buy some pot because everyone knows how annoying the process can be.

I have never understood the appeal to pot. I have liked it for only a handful of times, but I haven't dedicated mylife or based my lifestyle around it. I find pot heads annoying. Yes, I do believe it should be legal, but always seems like people who are fighting for it don't have their shit together, plus fuck you there are bigger problems to fight for right now. The only reason why I would like pot to be legal is so it I wouldn't have to waste 2 hours out of my day buying it. Also, pot heads sound stupid when they start talking about how stupid that the government hasn't made it legal. They're go to defense is that it alleviates cancer which I find to be such a hidden agenda. They don't care about people dying with cancer. They just want their pot.

Selling On Craigslist

Sarah Tollemache — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:52:44 +0000

Several months ago I posted an entry talking about all the weirdos that I have encountered on Craigslist while job searching. You can find that entry if you click here. I forgto to mention how annoying it is to sell items on Craigslist. Before I moved to New York, I wanted to sell a lot of uneccessary things in my life so it I would be traveling light, plus I like to start all over some times, shake the Etch a Sketch. I got wanted to get rid of all of my electronics, like a 100 CD Disk Changer, DVD Player and a TV. I didn't sell these items for much maybe $10 or $15. Now, looking back I should have just donated them to Goodwill because that money was not worth the trouble I had to go through after I sold my electronics. These lunatics treated me as if there was a warranty on these products and I was their customer service. I would receive emails and phone calls weeks after I sold these items. As I was trying to start my new life in NYC I would get an email from the lady who bought my DVD player asking if I knew what kind of batteries the remote control to the DVD Player took. I don't know you paid $10 for the thing. Look it up online. The guy that I bought the 100 CD Changer which I practically gave away for free would call me to complain that it would skip. I even let the guy do a test run. I didn't advertise these items as being brand new or amazing, but if you would like them you can have them for a small fee. I was being treated like I was Best Buy and that I knew how to fix these problems. I feel like you if you are willing to pay $5 on something on Craigslist you are wiling to take the risk or you know how to fix electronics.

On a side note I feel like we live in a time where information is so easily accessible that if you have a question you can easily look it up on the phone and get your answer, so I get mad when people ask me questions like, "Do you know where we can get Italian in Midtown?" I'm not a smart phone. Look it up. There are tons of websites and apps. That lady could have totally looked up what kind of batteries that remote control took. She didn't have to email me a week later after the transaction. I had my friend stay with me and he kept asking me directions to places that I had no idea how to get to when he could have looked it up on his Blackberry. I can only answer emotional based questions, like "How are you?"

Support Our Troops

Sarah Tollemache — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:58:02 +0000

Awhile ago, I was lying in bed with this guy I was dating late at night, and he started to make up some funny scenario about our millitary during Vietnam. I forget the exact details, but in the middle of his scenario he corrected himself and said, "I shouldn't be making fun of our troops." I don't know why he corrected himself. It wasn't like I was going to get out of bed and exclaim, "How could you? Our troops are out there fighting for our freedom while you are just here lying in bed with me." and then leave his place and never talk to him again. In fact it would not have mattered what time of the day he said it. I just thought it was funny to think of someone getting offended enough about our troops to storm out from a date that involved sex at the end. It takes a lot for me to walk out normally. However, I did want to walk out of date once because he believed that Planned Parenthood was started by the Nazis as a way of genocide. I go there [Planned Parenthood] for cheap women's exams. However, I did break up with that same guy shortly after. He was also a pot head, paranoid conspiracy theorist, who was living off of the government via unemployment. Why would the government be after someone who was unable to even hold a job?